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Submitted on
December 2, 2012
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And you and I by Sammur-amat And you and I by Sammur-amat
And you and I are but
foolish mistakes bound to
each other like H2 is to O and you are
the proof of my existence that way
the ebb and flow and I long for
you like roots for soil
and like chopped wood we are
robbed of age and
like shreds of
paper in fire we
perish in the silence
and undone seams
and nothing
remains.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Since I've been pestering people to show me their handwriting
I think it's only fair that I expose mine :giggle:

Art and free verse poetry :heart:

Your feedback, as always,
is both highly anticipated and appreciated. :la:

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS, ALWAYS LOVED!! THANK YOU!!:heart:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Critique:
Is the continuous flow form too much of a distraction?
Is my drawing getting rusty?
Two-cents please?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrandomphilosopher:
randomphilosopher Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012   General Artist
I don't think the continuous flow is a distraction. I actually think it adds to it, showing the ever-rushing-on of two people in love. :heart: I don't remember any of your other drawings, so I can't say whether or not it's getting rusty.

My two cents, though I don't deserve to give them... hm... "that way/the ebb and flow we long for" ... is this supposed to be the way? The line "undone seams" confused me at first, but on second or third reading I thought I got what you were trying to say. Is it just one more image of coming undone?

I really like it, by the way. :heart: I especially love your images of H20 (but how do you make a subscript in dA?) and chopped wood robbed of age.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012   General Artist
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work, I truly appreciate it! :hug:

Well it depends on how it is read, I meant for it to read as
you are
the proof of my existence that way
and not
the way the ebb and flow
but that's what I get for disregarding punctuation, really :giggle:
Yes it is :heart:

Thanks again for your time your very kind words. (you just type < sub> enter any text without the spaces) much like html formatting. :la:
Reply
:iconrandomphilosopher:
randomphilosopher Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   General Artist
Haha, I see having second or third reading I also copied down the line wrong. I get it now, and thanks! Also, you're welcome.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013   General Artist
It's no biggie, sweetie! :giggle:
You are super! :hug:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
Is the continuous flow form too much of a distraction?

Quite the contrary. The piece is all the better for it. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much for the kind comment, darling! :heart:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Anytime, love. :iconlaloveplz:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012   General Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::iconsquishhugplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Writer
This is gorgeous. The continuous flow works really, really well; gusting and gushing and out of breath. Your drawing skills are far from rusty, but I just wasn't feeling flowers while reading this. (does that make sense?) But all in all, this is beautiful. Reminds me a bit of this, which is just incredible: [link]
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
I'm so very glad you enjoyed the piece, precious girl! :blowkiss:
Oh yes, the flowers definitely aren't there to depict the poem's direction, that's for sure. :nod:
You are beautiful, darling! :tighthug:
Thank you for introducing me to such a stunning writer! I'll be sure to lurk around her gallery soon enough! :love:
Reply
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