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Literature Text
Wallowing in misery
Paling, withering and rotting away
is the fate, the fate of one who loses
in the face of Adversity
Although,
Shrinking in incompetence
muted, dumbfounded and distraught
are emotions held, and collisions felt
in the face of Adversity
But since,
Finding nothing in lethargy
timidity, fear and disheartedness
this must then be shrugged off, fought off
in the face of Adversity
Because,
Dreaming, hoping and believing
in one's capability, this is what must be
uplifted, toned and honed
Whenever one is faced with adversity
Paling, withering and rotting away
is the fate, the fate of one who loses
in the face of Adversity
Although,
Shrinking in incompetence
muted, dumbfounded and distraught
are emotions held, and collisions felt
in the face of Adversity
But since,
Finding nothing in lethargy
timidity, fear and disheartedness
this must then be shrugged off, fought off
in the face of Adversity
Because,
Dreaming, hoping and believing
in one's capability, this is what must be
uplifted, toned and honed
Whenever one is faced with adversity
Although I already know my life resembles a street filled with cracks, crackheads, potholes and puddles and that I have my hands full and am way over my head trying to play Jacqueline(mind you) of all trades---[whatta mouthful]
Recently, I’ve just been wanting so much. I don’t know what it is exactly that I want. Scratch that, I do know dammit. I just want much things(for lack of a better word) very much.
At present I am living in a gray area of my life.
Everything just is so.. Bland. Tastless. Atténuer.
The desire to be selfish is planting its roots firmly in my soul, it is feeding off my very being.
Day by day I feel this vine of self-love mangle and tangle and wrap itself harder and tighter around my pacing heart. Not a good thing for someone designated to play the role of the martyr understudy.
This is my greatest battle.
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Critiques:
Which lines did you like the least?
Which lines did you like the most?
What do you think of the flow?
Was there real impact at any level?
Thank you so much for taking the time to do whatever it is you want to while opening this piece up on your tab.
Recently, I’ve just been wanting so much. I don’t know what it is exactly that I want. Scratch that, I do know dammit. I just want much things(for lack of a better word) very much.
At present I am living in a gray area of my life.
Everything just is so.. Bland. Tastless. Atténuer.
The desire to be selfish is planting its roots firmly in my soul, it is feeding off my very being.
Day by day I feel this vine of self-love mangle and tangle and wrap itself harder and tighter around my pacing heart. Not a good thing for someone designated to play the role of the martyr understudy.
This is my greatest battle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Critiques:
Which lines did you like the least?
Which lines did you like the most?
What do you think of the flow?
Was there real impact at any level?
Thank you so much for taking the time to do whatever it is you want to while opening this piece up on your tab.
Comments6
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Just a few quick bits that i hope help. First off, i understand the message and what you are going for, that constant battle with the negative and strive for the positive, but i think that - in the instance of writing - it's better to be more specific. Capturing the feelings of conflict, whilst giving the reader plenty of room to explore within their own experiences, really doesn't showcase your writing ability to truly showcase a moment / leaves the reader too much room to explore; for all i know you could be writing about war, relationships, or just the strain of living in a house with a new puppy who keeps tearing up the furniture you know? Be specific. Pull your reader in with more than emotions, pull them in with a snapshot, an experience.
This being said, you do a great job with vocabulary and the pairings of words here. It's a nice oral effect.
A few minor quips:
At the end of your second stanza you accidentally left the 'r' out of 'adversity'.
i'm also curious as to why you chose not to capitalize the word 'adversity' at the end of your final stanza where as you capitalized it in all other places throughout the piece.
Because of how you structure the piece, i think the use of a bit more punctuation - particularly semi-colons or periods - would really help with the general "flow" (though i hate that term) of the piece, easier readability at least, and give it a bit more of a punctuated (excuse the terrible pun) effect on the audience. Really pound your point home and establish each stanzas importance before allowing the reader to move onto the next, you know?
Hope at least some of that helps, good miss. If you take anything away from these suggestions please let it be that they are only suggestions, not corrections, and should only be implemented into your writing if you see fit to implement them. Keep writing and, more importantly, keep smiling and making the world a better place with your presence.
This being said, you do a great job with vocabulary and the pairings of words here. It's a nice oral effect.
A few minor quips:
At the end of your second stanza you accidentally left the 'r' out of 'adversity'. i'm also curious as to why you chose not to capitalize the word 'adversity' at the end of your final stanza where as you capitalized it in all other places throughout the piece. Because of how you structure the piece, i think the use of a bit more punctuation - particularly semi-colons or periods - would really help with the general "flow" (though i hate that term) of the piece, easier readability at least, and give it a bit more of a punctuated (excuse the terrible pun) effect on the audience. Really pound your point home and establish each stanzas importance before allowing the reader to move onto the next, you know?Hope at least some of that helps, good miss. If you take anything away from these suggestions please let it be that they are only suggestions, not corrections, and should only be implemented into your writing if you see fit to implement them. Keep writing and, more importantly, keep smiling and making the world a better place with your presence.