First off, I would like to say that you created a beautiful piece.
The first thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation, I am sure you did that for effect, and it did trouble me at the beginning but I eventually learned to catch onto the rhythm that you were giving.
Another thing I noticed, "A all-consuming deceit", did you purposely use 'a' instead of 'an'? I figured it was simply a typo so I brought it up.
The concept was stunning, where I believe is a different perspective of the phrase "nothing gold can stay". It instead took on the negative aspect, as the gold slowly turning back into corroded metal. It was breathtaking.
You did a fantastic job with this, giving a classic and iconic phrase a modern twist and representation.
Hmm... so this was a unique piece and for some reason I was expecting it to be a rather happy and soft piece. But then again I don't think that being a rule.
The work was clearly emotional. There was frustration and anguish if I were to use words. There are many such works and they somehow fail to convey to the reader yet the formatting in your work made me feel a bit disheartened along with your words. Perhaps it also matched a specific work of mine so I felt somewhat conected.
Anyway the way you wrote was not only emotional or frustrating. There was the feeling of control in your words. As if you are expressing these emotions rather than feeling tham at the exact moment.
At least that is the way it felt to me and personally I like it. Overall a good work. I enjoyed it
"I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits"
A startling piece of imagery that forces the reader to take a deep breath and realize, the line above manages to summarize the entire a piece.
The speaker is so stuck in their impairments, disabilities, and obstacles, that they allow for nothing else to pass through. They are so crippled [in their mentality], they cannot imagine anything but their woes to aid them on their walk through life. They are so far from hope, they allow their impairment to control them.
They are so finite: they blockade themselves from feeling infinite.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work, dear friend, I really appreciate it!
You have quite the ability to dissect poetry in such a flawless, fearless manner (and quite on point, too). Thank you so much for all your lovely words. I am humbled to think my poetry could make you care enough to provide me with such understanding.
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