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:iconsammur-amat: More from Sammur-amat


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Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln

Literature - General by NotenSMSK


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Submitted on
September 1, 2012
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        It's that time of the year again where everything fades to blues
               A time when I come to the realization that all I see is a corroding facade
     A prideful lie
    
          An all-consuming deceit
    
Now is the when where I start chewing up my own flesh
                                   Tearing off my limbs

          Gnawing at my marrows
                   Clawing and gasping
     For light
     
                  For air
    
                                              For anything to help make me reclaim myself
                  An inkling of hope in this far too sullied blueprint world

                         Now is the when where I am left gaping

                          Wide-mouth
                 Tongue-out

           Forcefully I am left smashing mismatched pieces
Crying to breathe
       I am left wanting to finish the thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle and
                                                              Fucking breathe

          I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits

   I have been artificially treading
                                   For the longest while

                  Happiness is but a butterfly
           Meant to roam this earth for only

                                                Seven days
                                           Each lifetime
Happy Birthday to me.

I don't know why or since when, but I suffer from birthday anxiety. No I'm not kidding and yes, it sucks.
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:iconcelestialmemories:
First off, I would like to say that you created a beautiful piece.

The first thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation, I am sure you did that for effect, and it did trouble me at the beginning but I eventually learned to catch onto the rhythm that you were giving.

Another thing I noticed, "A all-consuming deceit", did you purposely use 'a' instead of 'an'? I figured it was simply a typo so I brought it up.

The concept was stunning, where I believe is a different perspective of the phrase "nothing gold can stay". It instead took on the negative aspect, as the gold slowly turning back into corroded metal. It was breathtaking.


You did a fantastic job with this, giving a classic and iconic phrase a modern twist and representation.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconnotensmsk:
Hmm... so this was a unique piece and for some reason I was expecting it to be a rather happy and soft piece. But then again I don't think that being a rule.

The work was clearly emotional. There was frustration and anguish if I were to use words. There are many such works and they somehow fail to convey to the reader yet the formatting in your work made me feel a bit disheartened along with your words. Perhaps it also matched a specific work of mine so I felt somewhat conected.

Anyway the way you wrote was not only emotional or frustrating. There was the feeling of control in your words. As if you are expressing these emotions rather than feeling tham at the exact moment.

At least that is the way it felt to me and personally I like it. Overall a good work. I enjoyed it :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
Happiness is, alas... but a butterfly... :crying:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   General Artist
Amen. :saddummy:
Reply
:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
:worship: NOW amen.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013   General Artist
:blush:
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:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
:iconranranruuplz:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013   General Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart:
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:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Professional General Artist
these will be charged.

ten points per heart.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013   General Artist
XD
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(1 Reply)
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
"I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits"

A startling piece of imagery that forces the reader to take a deep breath and realize, the line above manages to summarize the entire a piece.

The speaker is so stuck in their impairments, disabilities, and obstacles, that they allow for nothing else to pass through. They are so crippled [in their mentality], they cannot imagine anything but their woes to aid them on their walk through life. They are so far from hope, they allow their impairment to control them.

They are so finite: they blockade themselves from feeling
infinite.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work, dear friend, I really appreciate it! :hug:

You have quite the ability to dissect poetry in such a flawless, fearless manner (and quite on point, too). Thank you so much for all your lovely words. I am humbled to think my poetry could make you care enough to provide me with such understanding. :thanks:

You have no idea how true what you just said is :heart:
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