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        It's that time of the year again where everything fades to blues
               A time when I come to the realization that all I see is a corroding facade
     A prideful lie
    
          An all-consuming deceit
    
Now is the when where I start chewing up my own flesh
                                   Tearing off my limbs

          Gnawing at my marrows
                   Clawing and gasping
     For light
     
                  For air
    
                                              For anything to help make me reclaim myself
                  An inkling of hope in this far too sullied blueprint world

                         Now is the when where I am left gaping

                          Wide-mouth
                 Tongue-out

           Forcefully I am left smashing mismatched pieces
Crying to breathe
       I am left wanting to finish the thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle and
                                                              Fucking breathe

          I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits

   I have been artificially treading
                                   For the longest while

                  Happiness is but a butterfly
           Meant to roam this earth for only

                                                Seven days
                                           Each lifetime
Happy Birthday to me.

I don't know why or since when, but I suffer from birthday anxiety. No I'm not kidding and yes, it sucks.
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:iconcelestialmemories:
First off, I would like to say that you created a beautiful piece.

The first thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation, I am sure you did that for effect, and it did trouble me at the beginning but I eventually learned to catch onto the rhythm that you were giving.

Another thing I noticed, "A all-consuming deceit", did you purposely use 'a' instead of 'an'? I figured it was simply a typo so I brought it up.

The concept was stunning, where I believe is a different perspective of the phrase "nothing gold can stay". It instead took on the negative aspect, as the gold slowly turning back into corroded metal. It was breathtaking.


You did a fantastic job with this, giving a classic and iconic phrase a modern twist and representation.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconnotensmsk:
Hmm... so this was a unique piece and for some reason I was expecting it to be a rather happy and soft piece. But then again I don't think that being a rule.

The work was clearly emotional. There was frustration and anguish if I were to use words. There are many such works and they somehow fail to convey to the reader yet the formatting in your work made me feel a bit disheartened along with your words. Perhaps it also matched a specific work of mine so I felt somewhat conected.

Anyway the way you wrote was not only emotional or frustrating. There was the feeling of control in your words. As if you are expressing these emotions rather than feeling tham at the exact moment.

At least that is the way it felt to me and personally I like it. Overall a good work. I enjoyed it :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
Happiness is, alas... but a butterfly... :crying:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   General Artist
Amen. :saddummy:
Reply
:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
:worship: NOW amen.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013   General Artist
:blush:
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:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
:iconranranruuplz:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013   General Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
baglord-lordmindor Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Professional General Artist
these will be charged.

ten points per heart.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013   General Artist
XD
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(1 Reply)
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
"I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits"

A startling piece of imagery that forces the reader to take a deep breath and realize, the line above manages to summarize the entire a piece.

The speaker is so stuck in their impairments, disabilities, and obstacles, that they allow for nothing else to pass through. They are so crippled [in their mentality], they cannot imagine anything but their woes to aid them on their walk through life. They are so far from hope, they allow their impairment to control them.

They are so finite: they blockade themselves from feeling
infinite.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work, dear friend, I really appreciate it! :hug:

You have quite the ability to dissect poetry in such a flawless, fearless manner (and quite on point, too). Thank you so much for all your lovely words. I am humbled to think my poetry could make you care enough to provide me with such understanding. :thanks:

You have no idea how true what you just said is :heart:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Writer
You are welcome :)

Thank you :blush: though I must ask...why fearless?

:hug: I know it is true because that single line describes life, we all allow ourselves (at some time or another) to succumb to the trials and tribulations...it is the ones that are truly strong that don't let themselves be kept down.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012   General Artist
Because it takes bravery and experience to some extent to be able to fully absorb and interpret a piece like this :huggle:

Amen to that, lovely :heart:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
experience? :hmm:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012   General Artist
One can never fully relate to the feelings of happiness or sadness or love or pain if not experiencing them to some extent, no? :eager:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
Ah, okay...true enough...
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   General Artist
Mhmmm :heart:
Reply
:iconmariatala:
MariaTala Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
you speak the truth, beautiful.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012   General Artist
I am ever so humbled by your genteel words and ways. Thank you, lovely:heart:
Reply
:iconmariatala:
MariaTala Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
:hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Ok so I've read this three times now in an effort to figure out what to say about it without either stating obvious things or being trite. I'm not sure i've succeeded but I'll give it a go.

There are two very powerful lines in here and I have to say the structure and spacing is very powerful as well. Lines that impacted me the most:

- Now is the when where I start chewing up my own flesh
- I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits

both of these are both grotesque and deeply sad. I'm very impressed because it seems that (aside from love) anxiety or depression or the darker, deeper, more desperate feelings are the ones people try to pen the most. Very few attempts are actually effective, but my goodness, yours is. I've never seen anxiety painted so simply and so well.

I'm sorry you are suffering or had suffered from it. The small silver lining is that beautiful diamonds like this squeeze themselves out of the pressure of it.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012   General Artist
You possibly being trite? Never :XD:

If as it seems, you feel that I was able to get the message across without coming off as trite, then know I am utterly delighted. Thank you so very much, dear friend:heart:

I do try to simplify. Sometimes for few pieces it'll work out but for others, well, not so much. ^^;

Thank you yet again for your kind words, friendship and moral support. Know that all these are very much appreciated and cherished! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope you are feeling well :heart:
You are an amazing person and I know what it's like to be caught in sadness.

The beautiful part of this, for me, is the metaphor you include in the end. It feels so devastatingly personal and adds a touch of reality to the rest of your words.

I love it :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012   General Artist
I'm feeling better, thank you for your well wishes, darling. :huggle:
We all have those phases, it's an artist's thing I guess. :giggle:

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment, know that your words and most importantly, your friendship, is deeply cherished:heart:

You are so very beautiful, Maddie. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconphantom-of-memories:
Phantom-Of-Memories Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow! Truely remarkable! Beautiful and amazing. I love how you aligned the text to make it look like a river of every little detail. The butterfly refrence truely hit me like a bang. A butterfly does represent happiness but happiness never stays in our lives for too long and flies away to another person to make them happy. Sometimes thoses butterflies come back to us. I, for one, is waiting for that butterfly to give me chance at happiness again. Keep up the terrific work. I can easliy relate to this.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very for your humbling words of praise. Thank you so very much for giving yet another reason to put a smile on my face. You are far too lovely! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconphantom-of-memories:
Phantom-Of-Memories Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student General Artist
Your welcome! I am always here to read your work. You are one smart creative girl. Keep up the amazing work!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very much for such high praise, I am so very flattered! :blush:
Reply
:iconphantom-of-memories:
Phantom-Of-Memories Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Your very welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012   General Artist
:huggle:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is so sad.
i like
"Gnawing at my marrows
Clawing and gasping
For light
For air" that feeling is intense.

and
"Happiness is but a butterfly
Meant to roam this earth for only
Seven days
Each lifetime" such a pretty tragedy.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much, lovely creature <3

It is, isn't it?
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're most welcome.

indeed. i love the way you let happiness float away so easily.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012   General Artist
I am so very glad to hear that, thanks again:heart:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconsmilieplz:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012   General Artist
:iconlaloveplz:
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