I'm not bothered with the people above me (irrespective of the fact that *NotenSMSK is a childhood friend of mine) because I have something to think after I finished reading this.
The first few things that struck me were the font (I'm a sucker for any Typewriter font, and here its the right choice to use) and the openness that you've used (reminds me of e e cummings, Brendan Behan, and in fragments of Seamus Heaney in terms of content). I had to take out "the new dragon book of verses" just to bring myself to comprehend who could have written like this.
Which is where I gave you marks for Vision, Technique and Impact. The vision was very pristine and well strung. It was definitely something written from a sense of loss or a sense of distraught disharmony.
The feeling of being a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits; the almost deliberate cry to "fucking breathe" (which I'll also pinpoint, the word "fuck" has been used to very subtle effect here. It suits the desperation of this poem) Its very clear. Good job there.
I can't help but quote Dylan Thomas on this one:
And death shall have no dominion. Dead men naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion
and e e cummings:
for whatever we lose (like a you or a me) its always ourselves we find in the sea
following this up with Brendan Behan's "I Remember in September"
Hmm... so this was a unique piece and for some reason I was expecting it to be a rather happy and soft piece. But then again I don't think that being a rule.
The work was clearly emotional. There was frustration and anguish if I were to use words. There are many such works and they somehow fail to convey to the reader yet the formatting in your work made me feel a bit disheartened along with your words. Perhaps it also matched a specific work of mine so I felt somewhat conected.
Anyway the way you wrote was not only emotional or frustrating. There was the feeling of control in your words. As if you are expressing these emotions rather than feeling tham at the exact moment.
At least that is the way it felt to me and personally I like it. Overall a good work. I enjoyed it
"I have become a man whose crutches have been sown unto his armpits"
A startling piece of imagery that forces the reader to take a deep breath and realize, the line above manages to summarize the entire a piece.
The speaker is so stuck in their impairments, disabilities, and obstacles, that they allow for nothing else to pass through. They are so crippled [in their mentality], they cannot imagine anything but their woes to aid them on their walk through life. They are so far from hope, they allow their impairment to control them.
They are so finite: they blockade themselves from feeling infinite.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work, dear friend, I really appreciate it!
You have quite the ability to dissect poetry in such a flawless, fearless manner (and quite on point, too). Thank you so much for all your lovely words. I am humbled to think my poetry could make you care enough to provide me with such understanding.
REALLY bad for being
AWOL from dA, the
partially for my
again, but this time
for real ;n; In any
case, I hope this
suffice for my
leave.. :points: 300
wandering in the
a beautiful letter
written by Sergio
Larrain in 1982 to
his nephew, who had
Larrain where to
begin to become a
and foremost, you
have to have a
camera that fits you
well, one th...
you said."Where do
you think you're
going?" Zalgo said.
away from here and
from you." you
said.He chuckled and
shook his head. You
were confused and
tilted your head a
thinking you can
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More