Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

                                             {the words that let go of
                                              their letters tangle and tumble
                                              in foxtrots and viennese trances
                                              to and fro

                                              and he takes hold of me}


                                              i am roses after rainfall
                                              blushing in almost-autumn air              
                                              as your forehand faintly taps
                                              upon the tender skin that wraps
                                              around my decolletage

                                              remind me of the words your perfume
                                              poisons out, out


                                             {and like strings of a violin
                                              violent and fluid
                                              so is my pulse
                                              in tremolo

                                              and he is all over me}


                                              i am squirming dew drops
                                              atop the almost-lips of lilies
                                              in solemn moments

                                              left to my unspoken madness
                                              i fall out, out
Kalimat- is Arabic for "Words"
also one of the greatest songs by the legendary
Majida Al-Roumi 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------



I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!! :eager:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Critique:
Which line did you like the least/most?
What do you think of the formatting?
Am I making any sense to you at all?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014   Writer
Love, this piece is truly devine, I cannot quote you a favourite part, as I was entranced by every word - so delicate and ethereal :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014   General Artist
thank you oodles on end, kimmy love. you and your words will always hold a special place in my heart. :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014   Writer
My utmost pleasure, darling (:
And that feeling is mutual :heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconprimalfuryan:
primalfuryan Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Professional General Artist
:iconaparazita-r::iconsquirrelflight-77:Your artwork has been graciously featured in Titans Genuine Literature feature ,stay wonderful!Hug:iconsquirrelflight-77::iconaparazita-r:
fav.me/d7if01o
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014   General Artist
thank you so very kindly for the honor, dear heart. :love:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
that second parenthesis though :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014   General Artist
:iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The second part that's in parentheses is just gorgeous. :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014   General Artist

ah, i'm so very pleased to know you found it so, sweetheart! :love:

thank you so much for always being an awesome friend and critic! :tighthug: 

Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Student Writer
I LOVE the parenthesis. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014   General Artist
i'm so glad you do, darling! thank you! :love:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
{and like strings of a violin
                                              violent and fluid
                                              so is my pulse
                                              in tremolo

                                              and he is all over me}


Wow
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014   General Artist
:blush:!! thank you so much, kind soul! :heart:
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome!
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"i am roses after the rainfall"

it's so beautiful and that entire stanza rolls perfectly in my mouth
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014   General Artist

thank you so very muchly, bridget dear! :tighthug: :heart:

Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm afraid I find the font uncomfortable to read, but no one else has said so, so perhaps it's my monitor or perhaps I'm just strange. As for the words, I think they are lovely - I particularly like the rose metaphor. I'm not sure the one simile, the violin strings, seems out of place where every other image is a metaphor. Either way, I do think it's a lovely image.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014   General Artist

i believe you're the second one to inform me, darling

i've edited the spacing for now and will edit the font once i find one i feel more suitable :eager:

thank you so much for the helpful critique! <3

(the violin string metaphor is meant to go in synch with the foxtrot and tango metaphor found in the first bracket) :huggle:

i really appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on my work, rosie lovely! <3

Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nice to see you featured on "Lit-of-the Week" :)
Be well. :sun:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014   General Artist

ohmigosh, i only noticed it now! :blush:

thank you so much, dear sir! :heart:

Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love this whole poem, but the comparison you use for the violin was... drop dead gorgeous... its a wonderful progression, honestly. A job well done! Bravo!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014   General Artist
awwh, thank you so much for you kind words, my friend! :heart:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. Really missed you, by the way.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"so is my pulse
in tremolo" - i like this very much. 

and this
"i am roses after rainfall
blushing in almost-autumn air" - is beautiful.

really such a lovely piece :nod:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014   General Artist

thank you so very much, sweetheart! :glomp: 

i'm glad you enjoyed the read :heart:

Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you're very welcome :tighthug: and i hope you're doing well. 
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014   General Artist
doing better than a while back at least, thank you sugar :tighthug:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
that's good to hear! :heart:
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see your writing again! Fantastic, as usual.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014   General Artist
dear friend, i cannot tell you how happy i am to hear from you as well. :thanks:
yes you are. :heart:
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconmrcbax:
mrcbax Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesomeness!, great work! :D
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014   General Artist
thank you muchly, dear soul. :huggle:
Reply
:iconmrcbax:
mrcbax Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure, hope you have a lovely evening :)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014   General Artist
tahnk you and i wish you the same as well! (:
Reply
:iconmrcbax:
mrcbax Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:D it has been quite pleasant, thank you too!
Reply
:iconderiveanemone:
DeriveAnemone Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is so beautiful. Heart 
I keep changing my mind over which lines I like the best. I think maybe "remind me of the words your perfume/ poisons out, out".
As formatting, I love the line-breaks and the brackets, but I find the font a bit hard to read, personally.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014   General Artist
thank you so much for both the compliment and constructive comment, darling creature! :tighthug: :heart:
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I have missed you and your beautiful writing, darling.

:heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014   General Artist
as i have missed you and your wonderful work, dearest soul :tighthug: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconhearthugplz:
Reply
:icontwilightpoetess:
TwilightPoetess Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
THIS--

i am squirming dew drops
atop the almost-lips of lilies 
in solemn moments 
left to my unspoken madness
i fall out, out

--is absolutely GORGEOUS. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014   General Artist
thank you so much, love
it's been so long.. :heart:
Reply
:icontwilightpoetess:
TwilightPoetess Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.

Yes, it has--how have you been?
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014   General Artist
had to deal with some big life issues but
i'm alright now <3

gosh i've missed this place and 
all you beautiful faces dearly :huggle:

i hope you've been doing beautifully? :eager:
Reply
:icontwilightpoetess:
TwilightPoetess Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle: I'm glad you're back.

And yes, I've been all right for the most part, thanks.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconsammur-amat: More from Sammur-amat


Featured in Collections

Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

Words by Bark

Writing by TwilightPoetess


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
January 15, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
555
Favourites
31 (who?)
Comments
50
×