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Hurt me
           take me
    down
           down
        down


Show me
         you'll never be
            around
to watch in woe
  as I drown
in my ocean
         of mortification


     Make me
         understand
you've forgotten how
            you once fondly named
       my skin
            your golden sand


How you've wished
upon
         each and every
   single strand
         of the devouring
             waves
                in my hair


   That your once
starved
gaze
  at my honeycomb
         lips is now
but a passing remark
  part of
            a requiem-like
     dream
Title is a line from Lana Del Ray's song, "Video Games"

Free Verse :heart:

Hope you guys enjoy the read! :love:
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I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!! :eager:
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Critique:
How do you interpret this piece?
Which line did you like/dislike the most?
Was there real impact at any instance?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconspiralingspontaneity:
SpiralingSpontaneity Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The imagery in this is absolutely gorgeous, and I really love what you did with the formatting here :love: The message is clear-cut and beautifully woven together; I love it. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014   General Artist
i am so very very glad you enjoyed it, dear soul! :love:
thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and making my day along the way :heart:
Reply
:iconspiralingspontaneity:
SpiralingSpontaneity Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you're very welcome! it was my pleasure :love: :hug:
Reply
:iconlady-yume:
Lady-Yume Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013   Writer
Seriously, those last two words are amazing. Taking into consideration the amazingness of this piece, is saying a lot.
Wow, love. Simply wow. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013   General Artist
gosh, you are simply amazing, sweetheart, you truly are. :heart:
thank you so, so much! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013
that last stanza
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
its perfect
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Student Writer
Really like the rhyme in the 3rd and 4th stanzas, and the title is gorg. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013   General Artist
thank you dearly, darling :love:
the title is actually a line from a song called song video games by the gorgeous lana del ray :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Student Writer
Oooh I know that! Just never listened properly to the lyrics I guess. :giggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   General Artist
i'm a total lana del ray fan :heart:
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think the beginning just really sucks you in. I love this. It's so...dark. I like dark.

Yeah I'm tired don't know what else to say other thank I LOVE IT.

i don't care
i love it
*twerks agressively*
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   General Artist
*shh* don't tell anyone, but i adore writing darkly :paranoid:

awwh, the fact that you too your time to read and comment means more than i can express!
thank you for being so wonderful to me, dear heart :huggle:
Reply
:iconhyalma:
Hyalma Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"Make me understand you've forgotten", (with or without the lines that follow) just struck a chord. I think I read the rest biting my lip. The lack of a full stop after "dream" I find very interesting, it feels as though it never ends, "it" being a dream or a relationship or simply the lament of a lost love. It's a good read, very well done.
I may come back with a more thorough analysis. :P
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   General Artist
ah, i'm really glad you've enjoyed the read! 
thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work, i truly appreciate it! :huggle:

sure, i would really like that! <3
Reply
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