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:iconsammur-amat: More from Sammur-amat


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Submitted on
September 27, 2012
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Mother always told me that the most important lessons in life come accompanied by saltwater.

I always thought she was carrying a soul too spent and too sullen.

I didn't know how right she was till sometime back, at seventeen.

For it was at seventeen that I was to try through a time where paltry tears- saltwater, was all I could taste, as my world was ripped right out of my ribs, and I experienced my first heartbreak.

I was years too young to search for starfish by the shore, to wish myself an old wives tale cure, all for a classic summer sickness. His sea-foam eyes had plighted me and blighted me. He allowed my knees and ankles to burn in rock salt kisses and promises. I allowed him to sear through my wounds, past and present.

In the end, I almost lost myself to his vastness, and almost drowned in the strength of his currents.

He was far too momentous and I, too infinitesimal.

Summer ended a short-lived romance but romance it was nonetheless. Rock salt senses will always string déjà vu.

You will forever be a memory of how the ocean never was forgiving.
For :iconshelf-of-friends: September Prompt Contest! :la:

A 199-word story:heart:

Hope you guys enjoy the read! :eager:
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I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!!:heart:
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Critiques:
Was the story line clear?
Which line did you like/dislike the most?
Was there real impact at any instance?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnotensmsk:
Okay... other than the fact that the title seems to be missing the 'O' in Ocean... the title was beautiful. I loved it and knowing you were the author behind it, I knew it was supposed to be wonderful.

Having said that lets move to the work. The beauty of this is firstly, that it is so short. I am always amazed how someone manages to say so much in so less words and you managed it beautifully. Secondly, I was unable to determine whether this was prose or poetry. I was breathless over the expressions used and the vivid language as well as the technique of comparing the person to the ocean.

Now on to your questions... the story line was perfectly clear (I hope I didn't misinterpret it :D).

I personally loved the entire work but the sentence "his sea-foam eyes had plighted me and blighted me" seems to stand out due to the usage of the two words blighted and plighted. One other reason might be because in a MAJOR work of mine... the same two words have been used with the exact intention. Oh it is not on DA ^^

There was an impact. The way you started (and the title as well) that the occean amassed every tear and that most important lessons com accompanied by saltwater. So the overall work had an impact on me but not that I was crying but like... I will remember it perhaps when ever salt water and tears are mentioned to me.

Wonderful work!
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:iconaloha-mermaid:
very nice! I love the very first line "Mother always told me that the most important lessons in life come accompanied by saltwater." :heart:

:+fav:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Oct 9, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very much for stopping by piece, dear reader! :hug:
I appreciate the fave and your kind words so very much! :thanks:
Thanks again:heart:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful piece.
it has a great build-up and a satisfying release.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Oct 7, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very kindly, lovely lady. :thanks:
Your kind words of praise never fail to lift me up:heart:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:) glad to hear it.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Oct 7, 2012   General Artist
:glomp:
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:iconautumnlit:
You did a fantastic job with this. Very pulling on the emotions! I admire your way with words and story telling. The last line was perfect. :heart:
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