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     Fall:

     A slip
          A decline
               A loss

          You have been all these things to me at one point or another.


     Fall,

               Did my heart
          Did my hope
     Did my home

          All this for the raking of an autumn kiss.

     You hold as much of
     God's divinity in you as does
     the Angel of Death.
     Every faltering leaf
     throughout this
     stumbling season is a
     reminder of our reckless love.
     Every cascading raindrop
     keeps record of my ruthless heart that
     stole you from her.


          You will always be my hidden rue

     Set in slumber, you remain serene
          Until the raking of our autumn kiss
               Slays me too.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkj-illustration:
KJ-Illustration Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
• Which line did you like the least?
There's not really a line in this I didn't like, so the only thing I can truthfully add is that on my first read I stumbled a little on this part of a stanza;
"You hold as much of
God's divinity in you as does
the Angel of Death."

The "as does" part had me skip back to read the sentence again, but when I did and kinda spoke along softly out loud, it worked great :)

• Which line did you like the most?
This whole piece is amazing; hence the fact I take time to write you a critique now I can! But if I had to choose, I'd say this bit;
"Every faltering leaf throughout this stumbling season is a reminder of our reckless love." :heart:

• Was there real impact at any instance?
Oh yes, definately, especially the ending lines had me go "wow" silently in my mind (: Wonderful stuff, dearie - just wonderful :love:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013   General Artist
Kimmylove!! :tighthug:

It's been ages since I've last seen you online, I've been missing you, silly. :heart:
Thank you, truly, for taking the time to read and comment on my work, I so very much appreciate it! :heart:

You are made of magic, sweetheart! :love:
Reply
:iconkj-illustration:
KJ-Illustration Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Hey Dee-chan :heart:

You're very welcome - I always love reading your creations (:
And yes, I'm sorry about that, I'm still around, but I almost push every free minute I have into my art these days :|
You can always send me (a) note(s) if you have things you want to share with me/tell me - I'll always reply :aww:

:huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013   General Artist
You are always such a sweetheart :love:

I know you've been busy but juts want you to know I've been thinking of you :heart:
Best of luck in everything you do, kimmy doll! :tighthug:

I shall, I shall! If my notes start to act all funny again, then expect a facebook message! :eager:
Reply
:iconkj-illustration:
KJ-Illustration Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thankies, sweet :heart:
Bytheby, I got (all) your messages about the contest winners! dA truly is playing up for you, isn't it? I got double messages and notes from you. I sympathise with you for the annoyance :O_o:
Anyways, I'll be reading them all and creating that feature asap!

Send me messages whenever, okay? :hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013   General Artist
I'm so very sorry you had to go through unnecessary spamming due to whatever it that's wrong with my notes, you're the second victim so far :saddummy:
Usually the trouble is opening the notes, although recently double noting has been another issue :facepalm:
Woohoo! :la: Thank you so very kindly kimmylove and again, so very sorry for the unintentional spamming :dummy:
I shall, I shall! :iconlaloveplz:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Which line did you like the most?
All of the lines
Was there real impact at any instance?
This poem, as a whole, was something that I wasn't expecting at all - sharp contrast with "pretty". That's good - personally, you do really good free verse. Its so open... its so much... of a rapture, honestly speaking...
Worthwhile rhapsody, in my opinion.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012   General Artist
Oh gosh, now you're making me blush! :blush:
Thank you so very kindly for humbling words of praise, I truly appreciate this! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome :)

*accepts hugs*
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   General Artist
Awwh! Here's another one then, one the house! :glomp:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*blushing* I'm accepting this, from a good person to someone who holds it with regard... *accepts* thank you.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   General Artist
My pleasure :heart:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome :)
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
As soon as I am free from exams, I'll get back to this poem.

I'm ending this on an optimistic note: I liked reading this. Rest assured, whatever thoughts I had were on a positive note.

Well done.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much. I shall be anticipating your critique then, sugar! :huggle:
I wish you the best of luck in your exams, too! :fingerscrossed:

Thank you so very kindly, dear heart! :heart:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :) Once they're done, I'll get back to you.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   General Artist
Alrighty :la:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) Wrote them. Hope you like what you read.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012   General Artist
Oh I most certainly did! Thank you, darling creature! :love:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome, mon cher ami
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   General Artist
<3 <3 <3
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(1 Reply)
:iconhalcyonshores:
halcyonshores Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is gorgeous. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   General Artist
I am humbled by your praise. Thank you:heart:
Reply
:iconhalcyonshores:
halcyonshores Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart::heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012   General Artist
:huggle:
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:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
very lovely!
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very kindly, sweet:heart:
Reply
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012   General Artist
I found this one quite chilling. The lines seem so calm and measured in their rhythm, yet their meanings are so contrastingly morose and despondent, that the poem reads like the aftermath of tragedy. After all tears have been shed and the dust settles, you're left to pick up the pieces in poem form...
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012   General Artist
First off, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work, I truly appreciate it! :huggle:
I am so very happy to hear such humbling words of praise from a beautiful writer such as yourself. Truly, thanks again<3
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2012  Professional Writer
Beautiful. What a very gorgeous way to talk about getting your heart ripped out. Baudelaire would be proud, lol.

So the lines I think I liked the most (all of them) was the whole first stanza. Not individually, but they are powerful together and really set the entire tone of the poem.

The line i liked the least was: "Every cascading raindrop" -- i really liked the sentiment and this is nit nit nit picking but I got hung up on cascading. I just always associate it with either going over a series of rocks or steps or like... a sheet of water or cloth falling and not one raindrop. So, even though it's technically correct I got snagged on it (but it's just personal preference - and I do see why you didn't want to repeat 'falling', so ignore me if you want).

The rest of the poem is totally solid and the language in the very last stanza is very tight and packs a punch. It made me feel sympathetic sadness for the reader, so good job!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   General Artist
Darling, you have no idea how overjoyed I become at the sight of such a thoroughly thought-out comment. The fact that you took as much time to do so, I am appreciative for with all my heartstrings:heart:

Cascading huh? I dunno, I guess I just wanted those raindrops to feel heavy you know and it seems by your sentiment alone that I may have succeeded in doing so. :giggle:

Thank you ever so kindly, dearest friend! :tighthug:
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Professional Writer
Yeah, I would say it's definitely a heavy sentiment! I just have my own personal ideas and images associated with the word I suppose, so if you like it, keep it!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012   General Artist
Haha, alrighty then I will! :la:
Thanks again, lovely lady! :huggle:
Reply
:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
I thought this was lovely, and I liked the cascading raindrops. It made me imagine big, fat drops ricocheting off each other as they fall. :) (That sounds strange, but in my head it makes sense lmao.)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very much for your lovely comment, darling:heart: I'm so glad you enjoyed the read. :huggle:
Reply
:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012
My pleasure. :hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   General Artist
:blowkiss:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
I love how much story is told here in these lines of poetry. Beautiful, amazing work. The entire piece was an impact, painting this tale, of secret lovers maybe. Having someone for only a moment, but them never really being yours. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   General Artist
First off, thank you so very much for taking the time to read and comment, I so very much appreciate it! :huggle:
Thank you so very kindly for your always humbling and encouraging words, your are far too generous. :thanks:
And yeah about what you said, so very very true:heart:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
:huggle: :heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012   General Artist
:iconholdinghandsplz:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like all the room to breath in this piece.

nice work and good luck in the contest :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012   General Artist
Thank you ever so much for your kind words, dear lady. :tighthug:
Thank youuuu! :la:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012   General Artist
:iconluvluvplz:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
You will always be my hidden rue
---
so gorgeous and heartbreaking :heart: lovely
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012   General Artist
Thank you terribly. you terrific person, you:heart:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
:hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
" You hold as much of
God's divinity in you as does
the Angel of Death."

I love the format so much, and, just, wow. I'm speechless! beautiful work :heart:
Reply
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