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Literature Text
I started off treading on braided manila hemp-
I am now down to knotted wool
The lines you keep drawing begin closing in
and you keep at it til we blur
like a trail of once carved footprints
washed out by the ever coming tide
My heart comes and goes just as so,
each thump hanging on your every word;
sandcastle emotions
Often times,
I feel my everything dangling on a string of surgical thread
which you've been holding so very loosely between
your pockmarked index and delicate thumb
Please, skip out on the cruelty and let me fall;
quickly,
cut
|
me
|
o
)
f
(
f
I am now down to knotted wool
The lines you keep drawing begin closing in
and you keep at it til we blur
like a trail of once carved footprints
washed out by the ever coming tide
My heart comes and goes just as so,
each thump hanging on your every word;
sandcastle emotions
Often times,
I feel my everything dangling on a string of surgical thread
which you've been holding so very loosely between
your pockmarked index and delicate thumb
Please, skip out on the cruelty and let me fall;
quickly,
cut
|
me
|
o
)
f
(
f
Free Verse
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Critique:
Is the formatting over or underdone?
What do you think of the flow?
Additional comments
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Critique:
Is the formatting over or underdone?
What do you think of the flow?
Additional comments
© 2013 - 2024 Sammur-amat
Comments30
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Lovely. I like the pockmarks on the index finger and thumb. It makes you seems so small in the poem, small enough to see those details.
Very nice poem indeed.
Very nice poem indeed.