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:iconsammur-amat: More from Sammur-amat


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Submitted on
January 23, 2013
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683 bytes
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721
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scribbling down vicious verses on
tissue napkins while seated at
the corner of a sidewalk cafe is
about as romantic, raw and
honest a p(o)et
  -outside of the four corners of your bedpost-
can get

if you've got that person dreading over
drafts and dreams on end
  -of you, for you-
consider yourself a new owner
it is now time to
tame this p(o)et's perverse mane
you've got your hands on
a fragile purebred
which can be very tricky for
first timers
Free Verse :love:

Read by the ever amazing *disrhythmic over HERE: [link]
I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!! :eager:
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Critique:
Is the poem's length acceptable enough?
What do you think of the flow?
Favorite line?
Additional comments :la:
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:icongwenvar:
Gwenvar Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013   General Artist
The last line breaks the basic flow excellently, and makes int unique! Congrats.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013   General Artist
ah, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work, lovely soul :huggle: <3
Reply
:icongwenvar:
Gwenvar Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013   General Artist
Anytime! :)
Reply
:icontheforsakengoddess:
TheForsakenGoddess Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
I think i like best of all the idea behind the poem :)

The flow is wonderful- smooth enough to keep you reading on in a steady beat but just rough enough to make you look back and REALLY read it- inbetween all the little cracks and crevices of the words that are just as important as its entirety.

I think it's nice that it's split in two- i feel that each side carries, collectively, a separate message of their own, and because of the harmonious individuality between them, i can't say either one is more favoured above the other

I also think the length is fine :)
Though I myself don't really care about length so much ^^;
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013   General Artist
Ack. :heart:
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave me such kind words, lovely person! :glomp:
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional Writer
Loved it. Love the pet/poet and the idea of how much we little artists need to be cared for... love LOVE the flow, it's snappy and fast and almost like a little beat going through my head. I saw all the images clearly, specifically the scribbling in sidewalk cafes.

Also, I have to say, I <3 Alliteration forever.

I wonder if this is how my husband feels about me sometimes? Anyway, I think you captured it brilliantly.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   General Artist
Eeee, I'm thrilled to know you've enjoyed the piece so much, lovely lady! :love:
You should give a listen to *disrhythmic's reading of this (can be found in my comment box below the piece itself), it's absolutely brilliant! :heart:

Haha, I bet it is! :giggle:
Thank you so very kindly for your humbling words of praise! :huggle:
Reply
:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Student Writer
I have no words to convey how much I love this poem. I felt as if I was smitten to my knees and now await that final blow that'll take me away to some poetic paradise of your own construct. It was fun, romantic and beautiful.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so very kindly, dear friend! :heart:
I'm so glad you enjoyed the read! :glomp:
Reply
:iconskybirdshadows:
skybirdshadows Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i really like this! It's really grounded for a romantic poem, which is different. I think that the flow fits the style really well, being split up and fast paced. I hope that's what you were going for, cause I liked it! My favourite line is definitely "it is now time to tame this p(o)et's perverse mane"
overall, excellent metaphor.
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