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you're too bad, too m
                    u
                    c
                    h, using my heart as your
c
r
u
t
c
h. who knew human beings could
hurt each other by the softest t
                               o
                               u
                               c
                               h, so deeply
and so very, very
m
u
c
h.
..is the best word to describe my life right now :facepalm:
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I WOULD SUPER LOVE TO SEE COMMENTS, THANK YOU!! :iconheartemote:
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Critiques:
Is the formatting over or underdone?
What do you think of the flow?
Additional comments :la:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This has been Featured in my journal!


:)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014   General Artist
thank you ever so kindly, dolly! <3
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013   Writer
I love how the title is 'dismantled' and yet the same first words (that have letters spaced apart) are the same one (much - much). It really brings a sense of bringing the poem back together. Usually, I wouldn't like to see that in a poem, but it really works here and I like it a lot. What I also really like is how the words that are spaced out all rhyme. That adds a neat effect. I think the format really worked here because of the title. It really makes the poem appear to be dismantled, itself. 

Is it strange that this poem comes off as a sick and twisted nursery rhyme? (ah, who am I kidding - all nursery rhymes are sick and twisted). I love that effect - it really works with the subject of the poem. Something you'd tell your kids and yet they still turn out to be that way...

Is the formatting over or underdone?
It's done perfectly. It really doesn't need to be altered in any way.

What do you think of the flow? 
It's lovely. I think it goes well. 
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013   General Artist
ahsjdghshsjdf  thank you ever so kindly, shane darling! :tighthug: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:icontoxic--sunrise:
toxic--sunrise Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
The formatting is amazing, and really works for this. :D
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so much for saying that, dolly! :heart:
I'm glad you like it! :la:
Reply
:icontoxic--sunrise:
toxic--sunrise Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013   General Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
blown away by the formatting yet again!

limping words have been hurt - i hope you're doing alright. we'll get through our rough patches together, with our words. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   General Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart:

i'm trying to do better, i really am. i truly hope so, dear friend. thank you so, so much. :huggle:
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
:huggle: sometimes try is all we can do, & yet it is the world at times. we'll always be hoping! :heart: :huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013   General Artist
you can say that again! :tighthug:
tahnk you so very kindly for all your words, you wonderful, wonderful soul :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Writer
Can I just say the format is awesome. And agh, this. :(
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
Thank you muchly, lovely lady! :glomp:
Mmhmm </3
Reply
:icontravelgirlxx:
travelgirlxx Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
In this instance, I love the formatting. I think it flows really well, the rhyme makes it a LOT of fun to read aloud. And, it's just so true :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013   General Artist
Thank you, thank you, thank you wonderful woman! :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:icontravelgirlxx:
travelgirlxx Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
Aww :heart:
:blush:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013   General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh-the formatting...

this is genius! :love:

Insta-fave! have a nice day! :love:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013   General Artist
Thank you ever so kindly, you darling lil girl :love:

:tighthug:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:meow: :iconpuppyglompplz:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013   General Artist
:iconsealglompplz:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
the formatting's well done. and the message is definitely deep.

The vertical represents the collapse occurring, while the horizontal is an indicator of... what the world sees...

They see nothing... they don't know...
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so much for your humbling input, dear friend. :thanks:
I appreciate your wisdom. :huggle:

Mmhmm :heart:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*grinning* *blushing* its alright.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013   General Artist
You're always ever so humble and kind (:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*smiling* well...
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
formatting works just fine.
and it all rhymes! impressive
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
You! Thank you ever so kindly for your words and congratulations on the DD, darling! :huggle:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
:huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013   General Artist
<3 <3 <3
Reply
:iconsomethingsophie:
somethingsophie Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013   Writer
I think the formatting is just right, and the flow is very very beautiful and this is all around simply perfect. Your writing is gorgeous. And the rhyming definitely adds something extra.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so very kindly for all your kind words, sweetpea. Your words mean much to me, truly. :heart:
Reply
:iconanonthedarkone:
AnonTheDarkOne Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Alright! Someone is thinking outside of the box :D. The flow of the poem is even better with the Caterpillar like effect. You know, like that old school game where the Caterpillar gets bigger as it eats those small squares (sometimes circles) and you can't let it hit itself or it's game over? Anyway, lovely words, lovely formatting, lovely poem :).
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
Tee hee, I'm mighty glad you think so, thank you! :la:
Yeah, I kinda get what you're saying, thanks again. :giggle:
You're a lovely person! :huggle:
Reply
:iconanonthedarkone:
AnonTheDarkOne Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm glad you're glad :hug:. Yasvmw :D (you are so very much welcome). :phew: I was hoping I didn't confuse you, I tend to do that ^^;. Aww thanks :iconblushplz:.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013   General Artist
Nah, I gotcha, :glomp:
Reply
:iconanonthedarkone:
AnonTheDarkOne Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconyay-plz: :hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   General Artist
:iconsuperglompplz:
Reply
:iconanonthedarkone:
AnonTheDarkOne Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol that one is adorable :aww:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013   General Artist
Ain't it? XD
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontuiskulumi:
tuiskulumi Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my. I love the use of the formatting. This is wonderful!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
Hooray! :la:
I'm so glad it worked out for you, sweetie! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icontuiskulumi:
tuiskulumi Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep up the good work!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
I'll try my best! :dummy:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
I, too, adore the formatting. The visual adds so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
I'm so happy to hear that, love. :love:
Thank you mucho! :heart:
Reply
:icononioftheshade:
OniOfTheShade Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013   General Artist
very cool.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
Thank you dearly, dear heart :heart:
Reply
:icononioftheshade:
OniOfTheShade Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013   General Artist
but of course, my dear, ;D
Reply
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