i. last fall
i had my heart torn apart
by a boy- one who replaced
his ripped bluish-gray jeans
(that i loved on you)
for brown corduroy pants to keep him safe
from the coming harshness of winter;
even through its irrational number
of hail and rainstorms,
i don't believe i felt
or recalled a thing about that fall
for it was during that fall that not even the howling of the winds
could help shatter my dangling,
and our growing, cathartic distance.
i, too, had to adjust as i was forced
how to make due
without the heat of your arms
over and around my nape
i'm not sure if it was just my imagination,
but, the pre-winter drafts lasted longer
than usual that year.
ii. last winter
you and i became friends,
coming back to where we started off,
on the surface
(on my part at least)
this was the first winter i'd seen you
wear ear muffs.
you told me about some other girl
(with the same chestnut hair as mine)
you told me how she mentioned
that she loved your fine and pointy nose
(which was finer than mine)
i, on the other hand, always found
your delicate nose silly
as it was offsetting
to your deliciously deep hazel eyes
and thick, jet black brows.
you'd have been hotter with a more
prominent schnoz and chin, i'd always
half-jest and half-mean.
iii. this spring
it seemed like the whole world was ready
for chloe and rebirth except for me;
i remained brown and low.
flowers bloomed bountifully,
with pollen creeping in everywhere,
all the while staining everything.
nature made it easy to lie
about why my eyes always watered
when you said you had to go home
(for you knew she was waiting for you),
leaving me to get lost in my lonely mess
of blankets and bedspreads.
your delicate nose never so much as sneezed,
while my orbs remained red, puffy eyesores,
insensitive as you are,
you continued to sing me praises
of her corn-blue eyes that matched
the lazy afternoon skies,
cloudless and still.
iv. this summer
i've met a boy, tall and dark,
who wears cut-off jeans
(and ocean green eyes when he goes fishing)
(i may be falling for a merman, it seems)
who, when i sneeze, kisses my eyelids
and tells me how cute my pierced nose is.
i've found new pleasure
(and new places for his hands):
my stomach and chest as he curls around me
(like you never really could)
he plants secret kisses beneath my ears
and in the small of my back.
this year, the summer sun
is shining stronger than any other
year i can remember.