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Literature
note 28
you are beauty
written over and over
Literature
8.10.12
he unsnapped her bra
along with her backbone,
caressing her shoulder blades,
holding her up by her collar bones.
she slid down his boxers
and stripped off his skin,
soothing his nerve endings,
laying him down by his veins.
but they couldn't love properly;
he was selfish in one eye.
Literature
Haiku 27.12
Lonesome stars above
Us whisper silent secrets.
But we never met.
Suggested Collections
Inspired by my Mentor =Wyvern709's piece "Noah's Ark" [link]
I apologize in advance if this is not what its supposed to be
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Challenge Three of the Mentorship Project.
You will take one of your partner's pieces (choose one of your partners if you have more than one) and turn it into a decent sized script. The aim of the challenge is to bring you out of your comfort zone; many of you are specifically about poetry or prose, and the project is about both parties improving their writing as a whole. The premise is simple; your writing will improve in general if you produce pieces from many different styles of writing, you'll improve overall - which is good.
Gah, if only I had more free time------------!!
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Critiques:
Which lines did you like the least?
Which lines did you like the most?
What do you think of the language used?
Was there real impact at any level?
Thank you so much for taking the time to do whatever it is you want to while opening this piece up on your tab
I apologize in advance if this is not what its supposed to be
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Challenge Three of the Mentorship Project.
You will take one of your partner's pieces (choose one of your partners if you have more than one) and turn it into a decent sized script. The aim of the challenge is to bring you out of your comfort zone; many of you are specifically about poetry or prose, and the project is about both parties improving their writing as a whole. The premise is simple; your writing will improve in general if you produce pieces from many different styles of writing, you'll improve overall - which is good.
Gah, if only I had more free time------------!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Critiques:
Which lines did you like the least?
Which lines did you like the most?
What do you think of the language used?
Was there real impact at any level?
Thank you so much for taking the time to do whatever it is you want to while opening this piece up on your tab
Comments6
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I read through *Wyvern709's piece to get a feel of what you were trying to emulate and whoa, how original is it? Very unexpected when the guy turns out to be Adam and that with every dream, he is another person. You've really undertaken a challenge with this one
I like how you incorporated his life before the war into it as if that were a dream, and now that I've thought of it, you really have weaved in the concept of "another life" (I don't know how else to refer to it). I didn't think you had at first, but when some deep thinking, I was like 'aha!'. The conclusion, though makes me feel like I'm hanging. Since this is written as a play, maybe you could include a narrator to really wrap it up by leaving the audience with a question to make them question their own lives (?). I hope that makes sense.
I like how you incorporated his life before the war into it as if that were a dream, and now that I've thought of it, you really have weaved in the concept of "another life" (I don't know how else to refer to it). I didn't think you had at first, but when some deep thinking, I was like 'aha!'. The conclusion, though makes me feel like I'm hanging. Since this is written as a play, maybe you could include a narrator to really wrap it up by leaving the audience with a question to make them question their own lives (?). I hope that makes sense.